Warning: This entry will contain much vulgarities. Rest assured that the writer will confess her sin after writing all the following words down.
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Damn it, the top sentence just can't be bold-ed.

Anyway, my hamster died today. As in, it died. It passed away.Its heart and lungs have long given up on their duties.

Shit it! I don't even know what to say!!!

I got out of my bathroom early this morning and my grandma told me to go check on my hamster because when she was sweeping the kitchen, there was a lot of ants at the area where the cage is. At that point of time, I knew already that it might have had died. But what puzzled me was...why were there so many ants around the body then? It never happened before to the previous hamsters I had but why this one?

So I went to the kitchen I saw the cage and the body and I was like "Holy fucking shit!!"

I know I'm not supposed to swear but fuck, when I saw that damn body, all sorts of vulgarities came right into my mind. The damn thing is that my hamster ain't sick, it didn't die of old age (it probably is going to since it's been, what? 3 years since I first took it in as a pet??)either, it died simply because it suffocated itself!!

I feel as though I've just seen a gruesome R21 scene or something...Half of its body is literally stuck between the bar that made up the second level with its house on and the bottom part of the cage. It caused the ridges at the end of the bar to strangle and cut into its body therefore, the blood lured the ants there.

I don't even know what the hell happened that caused it to end up in that position since the spacing is so small...I mean how could it fit its damn head through that bloody spacing and then get stuck, struggle, get stuck even further in until the end of the bar pokes into the tender part of its belly and then die of lack of oxygen and probably the ants?! Last night when I fed it at around midnight, it was still fine damn it! I fed it and pet it, sing to it, talk to it, bath it, play with it and I JUST LET THAT DAMN THING STRANGLE ITSELF SOMEWHERE THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! I can't believe what I saw, shit it, the fact that I'm a first aider? I mean ok, I'm not trained to save animals but I should have had checked on it before I slept!

And to find its body swarming with ants too?

I couldn't bear to look at it, moreover, to touch it. Waited till my mom comes home from work and begged her to pry the hamster out. She took a long time doing so and when she finished, she was saying how pitiful it looked because it was dented and bend because it was stuck in that bloody position and died there!!

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!!!

I just feel it's like all my fucking fault! I should have had checked on it before I sleep and damn it, why the bloody hell did it get stuck and die like that??? I lost my appetite and I'm seriously...argh! I don't know! Every time I close my eyes, the image of my hamster will just pop out of the darkness and I see it so fucking vividly!! Why did it have to die like that??

I think after this, I shan't be having any more pets. I have yet to wash the cage and I don't think I will be able to wash the cage, let alone see the cage because it reminds me of my hamster...I never wanted to name it because the hamster didn't belong to me, it belonged to God. We have no right to name it...